Surekha's posterous

what would we learn if...

..we were to take a 'complex' longform article on a subject of relative interest, read it once as we would now. black out the rest of the world for the next few days, read nothing else. the only choice of reading/food for thought is that one article. so we keep going back to it..reading it over and over again..

would something new hit us each time? something different..will it help us dig into the deep recesses to bring out stuff we no longer realised existed..would we think of someone from the past? a forgotten conversation? what would it teach us about attention and what/how much we really need to know? about relationships and friendships?

at what point would we grow tired of it? sick of revisiting the same words? saturated to the extent we no longer want to look at it? what would that tell us?

maybe someday i'll make this an experiment.

Death with Dignity


i wrote this when the aruna shanbaug case was on and forgot all about it. raju's father - mentioned in the post - died today. remembered this, so posting finally.


Death with Dignity

‘On Tuesday I'll finally end my battle with cancer thanks to Oregon's Death with dignity act. As part of my preparations I've ended my pain medication and am trying to regain what little dignity and clarity I can. Who I was doesn't matter. I'm in pain, I'm tired and I'm finally being granted a small shred of respect. Feel free to AMA if you're so inclined.’

Thus read a recent message posted by user ‘lucidending’ on Reddit, a popular social networking site. While his identity and authenticity cannot be ascertained, his posts received widespread attention with support and prayers pouring in from people across the world.

In India, the mercy killing plea of 60-year-old nurse Aruna Shanbaug, who has been living in a vegetative state for 37 years, has been rejected. Instead, what is supposedly a legally acceptable option of ‘passive euthanasia’ has been allowed, which to me seems more cruel than mercy killing. According to media reports, she was brutally raped, attacked and strangulated by a hospital employee. The oxygen supply to her brain was cut off and her cortex severely damaged. Passive euthanasia would now allow withdrawing artificial life support to Aruna leading to her death whenever that ‘naturally’ occurs.

Closer home, my gardener Raju (name and profession changed), whom I have now known for over 25 years, has been handling the dilapidating condition of his father caused by a severe kidney problem.  The treatment runs into several lakhs and the old man is dying a slow death with no hope of recovery. When his condition worsens, Raju told me, even his mother asks him not to bother taking her husband to the hospital. ‘Lekin dil nahi manta. Pitaji hain,’ he said. Raju visits his home every couple of hours to turn his father on the bed to avoid bed sores, wakes up several times at night to take him to the toilet. His father continues to lead a meaningless existence financially and emotionally draining the family in the process, and would probably die leaving nothing – in every sense of the word - behind.

When my grandmother, who raised me for a few years when I was a young brat, died a year back after prolonged illness, many of us were relieved. It was pitiable watching her suffer but I could not blame those relatives who were impatiently waiting for her to breathe her last. I cannot imagine an existence of endless dependence on others, making myself miserable and loading guilt on others for rightfully loving me a little less with each passing sick day. My Aachi, however, was fortunate enough to have a selfless daughter who took excellent care of her till the end. Not many are as lucky.

I don’t understand why we don’t have a ‘Death with Dignity Act’ like the state of Oregon. What right does the government have to force upon anyone, especially in a country like India where millions live without a roof over their head, a degrading, humiliating existence when it cannot promise a life of dignity to those suffering? Why cannot it put adequate checks and balances with the help of its judicial and law enforcement agencies to ensure such Acts are not misused?  Why give a million crushing deaths to the dying under the garb of humanitarian protection? If your own life does not belong to you at a stage when all that you are left with is that shred of existence, what does?

when comedy meets crisis

via trendhunter.com

i am amazed at the number of creative vents the BP disaster has resulted in. it started with @BPGlobalPR, others followed such as the campaign to redesign the BP logo. i don't think any other crisis has seen the amount and level of creative and comic outpouring this one has. i am not sure if this will be the trend going forward. it also poses an interesting challenge to organisations. while inaccurate facts could be countered and allegations challenged, how does one counter sarcasm.. a spoof id or humourous post and not be seen silly? organisations need to take this into account as part of their crisis preparedness and management efforts.

intellectual collapse or intellectual snobbery?

[CovJump1] Charis Tsevis

Digital media have made creating and disseminating text, sound, and images cheap, easy and global. The bulk of publicly available media is now created by people who understand little of the professional standards and practices for media.

Instead, these amateurs produce endless streams of mediocrity, eroding cultural norms about quality and acceptability, and leading to increasingly alarmed predictions of incipient chaos and intellectual collapse.

But of course, that's what always happens. Every increase in freedom to create or consume media, from paperback books to YouTube, alarms people accustomed to the restrictions of the old system, convincing them that the new media will make young people stupid. This fear dates back to at least the invention of movable type.

As Gutenberg's press spread through Europe, the Bible was translated into local languages, enabling direct encounters with the text; this was accompanied by a flood of contemporary literature, most of it mediocre. Vulgar versions of the Bible and distracting secular writings fueled religious unrest and civic confusion, leading to claims that the printing press, if not controlled, would lead to chaos and the dismemberment of European intellectual life.

via online.wsj.com

reading this article 'does the internet make you smarter?' by clay shirky, i could not help but wonder if the intellectual collapse he is referring to is also intellectual snobbery to some extent. the information overload would not exist if there were no takers for it..or would it? how do you define 'intelligent' content? what's 'silly' to one could well be 'very funny' or 'meaningful' to another. wouldn't evolving communities automatically manage the information overload challenge?

here's another great read on the subject:

http://confusedofcalcutta.com/2010/06/06/thinking-about-democratised-curation/

the author quotes google ceo eric schmidt:

“…. the statistic that we have been using is between the dawn of civilisation and 2003, five exabytes of information were created. In the last two days, five exabytes of information have been created, and that rate is accelerating. And virtually all of that is what we call user-generated what-have-you. So this is a very, very big new phenomenon.”

mind-boggling, eh?

finally, a simple practical solution to get one started on managing information from louis gray.

so what do you think? is the internet making us smarter or dumber, and where are we headed with this information overload that threatens to drown us?

update: related read: 'does the internet make you dumber?' by nicholas carr. thanks for flagging this, manu.

list of tech and telecom bloggers in india, thanks to @labnol

yesterday, i was putting together a list of tech/telecom bloggers in india (caveat: i do not know the t of technology; the list was for a firm i consult with) when i turned to twitter for help.

i tweeted: can you please point me to a credible list of leading tech/telecom bloggers in india? @labnol can you help? thanks.

nikhil was the first one to respond when he pointed me to this thread.

labnol tweeted this:  Please suggest your favorite tech and telecom bloggers in India - you may use the hash tag #BlogsILove cc: @surekhapillai

what follows is a compilation of responses i received. some of you might find this useful. please note this might not be the definitive list of the top tech bloggers in india, so please use this at your own discretion. sorry for not linking the urls and the tweets are in no particular order.

Medianama, Emergic.org and sramanamitra.com (suggested by a respected tech blogger)

@realmadrid_rock: @denharsh (http://shoutmeloud.com)

@srikapardhi: #BlogsILove cc: @surekhapillai MyTelecomIdeas

@DrJohnnySpin: #BlogsIiove @telecomtalk @surekhapillai

@vaibhavkanwal: My favourite mobile technology author is @Djain1989 for mobilegyaan.com #BlogsILove cc: @surekhapillai

@MobiGyaan: @labnol tech blog @labnol, @devils_workshop @amitbhawani --- telecom - @mobigyaan, @fonearena cc: @surekhapillai

@srikapardhi: Telecom #BlogsIiove @telecomtalk @surekhapillai

@nickbyte: @surekhapillai telecom #BlogsILove @TelecomTalk THE BEST IN INDIA

@CricNewz: @surekhapillai Telecom #BlogsILove @telecomtalk

@raxit: #BlogsILove Telecom blogs @TelecomTalk @surekhapillai

@asifahmd: @surekhapillai Telecom blogs @TelecomTalk #BlogsILove

@ialtaf: @surekhapillai Telecom blogs @TelecomTalk #BlogsILove

@sgsan: @TelecomTalk #BlogsILove @surekhapillai

@taruntanu: Tech - @Blogsdna @tothepc | Telecom blogs - @TelecomTalk #BlogsILove @surekhapillai

@amit_banerjee: tech - @labnol @guidingtech @techiebuzzer #BlogsILove cc: @surekhapillai

@NeerajKumar_: Shoutmeloud.com, millionclues.com, labnol.org, blogtechnika.com are few of the #BlogsILove @surekhapillai Just indian blogs?or others too?

@_navin: @labnol #BlogsILove http://blog.dhananjaynene.com/ by @dnene cc: @surekhapillai

@vadakkus: MediaNama.com

@anandace: @surekhapillai try http://tech2.in.com/

@PaiRSquare: @labnol tech blogger would be u.. #BlogsILove labnol.org @surekhapillai

@girishmallya: @surekhapillai ask @veer

@ranjanv: @surekhapillai Try @labnol Blog Directory http://www.labnol.org/india-blogs/indian-bloggers.html

@realmadrid_rock: @surekhapillai know one tech blogger @denharsh (http://shoutmeloud.com)

@nixxin: @surekhapillai hey. @mrunmaiy put up a list @ http://bit.ly/aWBMXU, incl mobiles. not something I like,but then i put my no up frequently

@dnyaneshmankar:  favourite telecom blog: www.mobilegyaan.com #BlogsILove

@JaggedArrowHead:  #BlogsILove nampblog.com , teknots.com

@Compixels:  @labnol Self love for our blog @Compixels . 1 week old Tech blog waiting for that big day :) #BlogsILove

@tsuvik:  @labnol Tech Blogs - @labnol @techpp @techbangalore and Telecom - @techknots @zomgitscj @fonearena #BlogsILove

@binoyxj:  @labnol Sorry, can i suggest your blog also? :D #BlogsILove

@unitechy:  tech - @labnol @techpp @techiebuzzer @blogsdna and Telecom - @fonearena @techknots @cellpassion #BlogsILove

@binoyxj:  Tech - @Blogsdna @tothepc @amitbhawani | Telecom blogs - @TelecomTalk @FoneArena #BlogsILove @labnol

@Compixels:  Tech - @Blogsdna @tothepc @amitbhawani | Telecom blogs - @TelecomTalk @FoneArena #BlogsILove @labnol

@Niyukti:  Among Tech Blogger @labnol wins hands down #BlogsILove

feel free to add to the list in the comments section.

thank you everybody for the response. thank you, amit.

my personal branding chutney with @muladhara's roast upma

Personalbranding

 

yesterday, mr swami iyer (@muladhara) marked me on a mail he sent to @SudhaKanago. his mail made me think about a few things that eventually led to this post. but before i tell you more about mr iyer and his mail, i have a confession to make. i am no longer clear about what i expect out of twitter, or what i would like my niche on twitter to be.

initially my tweets were focused on media and communications; my conversations too revolved around these subjects. i did not care much to entertain conversations outside work. i was just another obscure user. no one cared how i behaved. i didnt care how i was seen.

however, as i made more contacts on twitter, things began to change. i became more conscious of how i was perceived. i did not want to seem insensitive or haughty. i started steering away from pure PR and media. my @replies increased, i started spending more time here, my focus shifted. the change also happened as i no longer saw myself as a pure PR professional, having left my job with an agency almost two years back. my tweets on media and journalism led to my being listed as a journalist by many! so these days i am grappling with the 'whoami' challenge of defining where i really want to go with twitter.

all this led me to the question, what is the ideal way to be? this is particularly relevant for people like me who are here for more than just connecting with people. i see some sticking to their area of expertise with remarkable ease. take for instance @Anita_Lobo. i envy her steadfast dedication to sports marketing. and then there is @AshuMittal, an immensely talented adobe executive, who primarily uses twitter to promote her photography, but is happy to talk about everything under the sun. i love how they both use twitter.

the advantages as i see in both approaches is that while sticking to your core expertise is more suited if you plan to use twitter primarily for professional reasons, mixing up the tweets makes you more interesting and less boring and monotonous as an individual. the amount of brand dilution youre willing to allow is really a matter of personal choice, as is everything else.

deciding one's positioning could also follow a bit of the corporate v/s product brand approach or b2b v/s b2c brand communications. one's own stakeholders and objectives should shape one's brand and behaviour. @tantanoo's primary target audience is perhaps anyone who enjoys or could potentially enjoy his comics and that's a wide canvas. but does that also put any 'pressure' on him or the other guys like @mojorojo and @SahilRiz to be always funny? while i don't know the answer to this, it should not necessarily in my opinion. a great example of this is @smitaprakash. given her profession and subject expertise, one would probably expect her to be a serious political commentator. but those who are now familiar with her sense of humour could tell you she is equally capable of churning out a comic! while there are many journalists like @lpolgreen i follow on twitter because of what i can learn from them and their tweets, interaction with @smitaprakash is made easier as she appears more friendly thanks to her periodic 'whacky' tweets. same goes for the wonderful @SachinKalbag who occasionally indulges in casual banter.

the challenge for me has been striking the right 'work-life' balance on twitter. should both be kept completely separate? should one overlap the other just a little? should they be always integrated? when do i start becoming a bit overbearing to those who follow my tweets?

i see different professionals using different approaches to manage this 'personal or professional' challenge. some, like @nimbupani, have two different twitter accounts - one for pure work stream and one which is a potpourri of things they like talking about. experts too have different ways of handling the challenge of replies choking their followers' (or their own) timeline. @chrisbrogan has set-up a pure links stream @broganmedia on @scobleizer's advice and @guykawasaki uses @GuysReplies to reply to questions.

i am sure there is no one-size-fits-all approach here, but in my personal opinion, showing one's personal side adds an extra dimension making the person more interesting. provided it is done in the right measure. that brings me back to @muladhara. a much respected commentator on international affairs on twitter. unfortunately he is not among the most popular as it takes a little time to get used to his tweeting style (just as well as we end up getting more of his attention!).

he is a foodie and loves talking about food. he slips a few food-related tweets in between his comments on CIA, ISI, china, pakistan, afghan and taliban. makes him endearing to his followers who enjoy debating the virtues of masala dosa with him as much as the point in india and pakistan resuming talks.

here i reproduce parts of a mail from him (with his and sudha's kind permission) in which he shares his time-tested recipe for roast upma. i love the way how he makes the boring upma sound interesting. while i continue thinking about my own niche on twitter, i hope you find this mail as delightful as i did.

p.s. - in case you're wondering why i couldn't find a better image to go with the post, i made this one with my own hands :|

gear change now. over to mr iyer's mail:


Swami is always looking for essay topics,and so, here is a long discourse on how the staid and "boring upma" has evolved over the years.

Since coming to the US as a graduate student in the 70s, Meenakshi Ammal's " Samaithu Paar " ( Cook and See ) has acquired a Larouse's Gastronomique like status for me.In Cook and See, Meenakshi Mami's upma recipes call for 0.75 litres of pani for 0.5 litres of rawa.She pours six teaspons of oil for 0.5 liters of rawa.Childhood memories of upma tell me of a simple, hurriedly prepared tiffin by amma with chopped onions and the occasional fistful of green peas thrown in. On trips to the South, I remember eating baingan ka upma.Tasting MTR's upma at their Bangalore flagship eateryin the 80s was a wonderful experience. Karabhaath exposure was an important dimension in how the upma evolved in my food horizon.( I had visited many eateries in B' lore during my maiden trip in 1960, but I seem to remember giant aloo bondas and fabulous Mysore Masala Dosais better; Oh! the world of chutneys )

Haruko, my wife, loves upma, but does not like the moist and taelwala lumpy texture. She likes it granular and loose and likes to use less tael (oil). My nephew, Rajesh, came to visit us last weekend in Boston after a 27 years gap, and I recall the compliments he showered on Haruko's upma as a 12 year old youngster in 1983.He liked the " oothuntha " ( granular and loose ) texture.

Given this background, I would like to say that for the past 10-15 years, I have assiduously worked on the upma texture and wish to point out flwg points:

a) I use equal measure of upma and water. So, two cups of upma =2 cups of heated pani.

b)Have been roasting rawa for 60-90 minutes in low heat in a dekchi ( kachatti ). I add some thin slices of butter to the rawa. Also throw in a handful of cashew pcs whl roasting the rawa.(Cook+See mami specifically advises not to use oil during roasting process, but I
went for the perfumo the butter extends to the roasted rawa )

c)Use only 3 teaspoons of oil.Usual tadka with mustard seeds, hing, minced mirch and adhrak, and urud dal.Mirch and adhrak added after mustard seeds hv popped. Also kadi patta.

     Then I use a combination of diced veggies ( cauli, onions, green peas, simla mirch and plum tomatoes on 21-2m prep ).Salt is added in this step

d)I add a teaspoon or two of MTR vangi bhaath powder to the veggies.About 5-8 min in med heat. Then two cups of hot water are added to the veggie mass. Wait till water gets into a rolling boil mode and bubbles erupt .

e)In my view, the roasted rawa sd be hot and have  a light brown tinge. Gently add the rawa and mix it into the body of the water-veggie mix. Add more salt to taste and lower the heat.

f)One member of our tweeter community mentioned to me about " roasted rawa" being readily available and that I sd by pass the roasting step.

   Interesting that Rao_V brought up this point. I had bought roasted rawa back in Dec 2009 and I saw this Trissur, Kerala ka product for the first time at a Gujju owned grocery store in Somerville,MA. I like the hissing sound when the rawa meets the boiling veggie mass in the
dekchi. That is the Confirmation Test for the upma to come out granular at the end of the process.So, I re-roasted the pre-roasted rawa.No damage done.

My nephew and my family folks enjoyed the upma and its granular texture, and Jack and Jill lived happily thereafter.

when i said 'may i hebb your attention pliss' to @greatbong

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i had a 'twitter chat' earlier today with arnab ray aka @greatbong. arnab is among the funniest indians on twitter and the author of ‘may I hebb your attention pliss’ to be launched in delhi soon. there is a contest running as part of the book promotion which is already seeing some hilarious entries like this one.

while there has been a steady stream of buzz around sidin’s ‘dork’, arnab’s ‘MIHYAP’ has not quite taken off - not on twitter atleast. it made me wonder whether it had anything to do with how both use twitter. im not sure about others but i personally feel greatbong is funnier than sidin while sidin has been a better marketer on twitter. thanks to his popularity, sidin also has an army of marketers and cheerleaders supporting dork whereas MIHYAP has not had as many takers. it intrigued me as a communications professional. i tweeted this observation not thinking much about it. i expected to be fully ignored by both sidin and greatbong.

here’s the ‘chat ‘transcript:

surekhapillai how @sidin & @greatbong are using twitter for their books will make a great case study . support for @sidin has been great, not sure about G

greatbong @surekhapillai No not as much. Help anyone !

surekhapillai i was right. +1 for @greatbong for this reply though. im buying hebb. RT @greatbong @surekhapillai No not as much. Help anyone !

surekhapillai @greatbong your interaction on twitter somehow gives the impression youd rather be left alone. youre not really a people person are you?

greatbong @surekhapillai And why do you think my interaction on Twitter gives you the impression I would like to be left alone? Curious pliss.

surekhapillai @greatbong mm..you are more of a broadcaster here, you follow none. i once called you the buckingham palace when i wrote a post on twitter.

surekhapillai @greatbong your replies till recently seemed more of a courtesy than real engagement. you could be perceived as elitist. ok analysis done.

surekhapillai @greatbong oh last point. the irony in all of this is youre definitely funnier than anyone else. you could get a lot more out of this medium

greatbong @surekhapillai Assmption 1: Following none implies arrogance (Buckingham Palace) A 2: You have read all my tweets to everyone. To continue..

greatbong @surekhapillai Pity you didnt attend my online question and answer session for a first hand look at my level of interactivity.

surekhapillai @greatbong not saying youre not interactive. im sure youre not this popular by being an island. shared my impressions on how you use twitter

greatbong @surekhapillai Dont think I am funnier @Sidin has a very good product. Hence great buzz. Now I wud like to believe my product is good too.

greatbong @surekhapillai And so surprised at lack of buzz.

surekhapillai @greatbong that lack of buzz vis-a-vis @sidin could also be because he carries more people with him here.

surekhapillai @greatbong honestly speaking im very surprised youre having this discussion with me here. i expected both of you to ignore me.

greatbong @surekhapillai Again what does carries mean? Not too sure.

surekhapillai @greatbong he builds them up, he RTs comments, he takes interest in what they say by following them , he seems to genuinely enjoy himself.

surekhapillai @greatbong that is real two-way communication imo

greatbong @surekhapillai "expected both of" me? Ailaaaa ! Me split personality !

greatbong @surekhapillai Again dont think u hv rd all the interactions with ppl on Tw Either that or I dont know what "interactivity" is in this world

surekhapillai @greatbong ha! definitely seems like im talking to your twin here.

surekhapillai @greatbong not all. but most yes. ive been taking active interest in you (let me hasten to add, for professional reasons!). having said ½

surekhapillai @greatbong 2/2 that i could be wrong here. your personal brand could be different from his and this air of exclusivity might actually help.

greatbong @surekhapillai Comes back to following . BTW if I am not wrong @sidin does not follow me. I still would promote his book coz he is awesome

surekhapillai @greatbong thank you for this discussion. delighted my 'may-i-hebb-your-attention-please' tweet worked.

greatbong @surekhapillai Actually my blog's main message has been non-exclusiveness. I find beauty in that which elites turn their noses up at.

greatbong @surekhapillai Yes thank you too for the discussion. Both of us mean that.

surekhapillai @greatbong thats interesting. i should talk to your fans then perhaps to know what draws them to you and how they see you as a person.

surekhapillai @greatbong lol. i meant you and sidin. grrr. thanks again.

greatbong @surekhapillai Please do.

greatbong @surekhapillai And thanks again 2. (Yes "2")

this conversation left me with these thoughts – not all are necessarily in the arnab context:

 -        objectivity is the toughest challenge on twitter. our own personal experiences and loosely formed impressions lead to biases in how we perceive a person. criticism, of course, comes easy.

-          pretence: is it ok to be someone youre inherently not just to push a product/service. we tend to get friendly when it serves our purpose. is it fair for smart marketing and packaging to score over genuine honesty alebit with some rough edges?

as for arnab, i know im buying his book. if humour is your thing and youre still not sure, this should clinch the deal for you. the last part of the chat when sidin walked in:

sidin @surekhapillai @greatbong Eh? What is this debate? GB let us chest butt and put this to rest.

greatbong @sidin Putting chest to butt isnt a proper idea.

sidin May I hebb your excyuuj pliss. RT @greatbong: @sidin Putting chest to butt isnt a proper idea.

 

-the end-

 

image from http://greatbong.net/

 

dear pritish nandy and vir sanghvi

recently pritish nandy and vir sanghvi jointly agreed to take the RTI route to challenge the government's controversial decision to award padma bhushan to sant singh chatwal. their joint declaration met with overwhelming support from twitterers including me. in fact i even joked with a friend later that day that sanghvi and nandy would probably be on the phone telling each other "saala ab to karna hi padega".

much to their credit both of them have been keeping twitterati regularly updated on the developments on this front.

today came another unexpected announcement from vir sanghvi. that got me thinking and the result is a mail sent to both on the honestawards id.

i do not want to grade issues here, so this is not a are-lives-lost-not-more-important-than-awards-won rant, nor am i proposing both become 'sants'. it's a mere suggestion, that's all. here's the mail:

Dear Mr Sanghvi, Mr Nandy,

This is to confirm my support for your 'Honest Awards' initiative. My twitter id is @surekhapillai and I am a communications/PR professional. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help.

I sincerely hope you can continue this partnership to usher in more meaningful changes that directly impact people like us. Working towards bringing in greater transparency in governance in general and not just awards, for instance. The way in which government shares information could be another area - one look at their information dissemination tools like websites is enough to see the shocking state of affairs.

I believe the clout and influence you wield, combined with the support you are bound to get on Twitter and outside, could be put to greater use.

Sincerely,

Surekha

celebration

this is yet another short story from the memory box - written long back, here it is..unaltered.

ben loved his life. there were ten more days left before he turned fifty. and he looked his age. his spirit however was much younger. his was a pleasant face that was devoid of any worry. he would always walk to work which was two blocks from where he lived. he would chomp on a hotdog and read the washington post as he clomped his way to work. he had a date with ann this evening and he was deciding between roses and lilies as also the movie they should go watch. he paused as he crossed st louis church and dialled ann's number. after exchanging pleasantries he explained he wont be able to make it as there was a friend from LA who was flying down and he had to go pick her up from the airport. she understood and said some other time. he didnt promise to call later.

nine more days. he cleaned up the house and wondered whether he should throw a party. he realised that would be too much of a headache and shrugged off the idea. he called his sister in canada and checked on the kids. she seemed to be in a hurry to get into a conference call and so he hung up. he decided to meet some old pals for a game of basketball in the evening.

it was weekend and just as well. his joints ached from the game the previous evening. he decided to go through his old collection of comics. garfield still had him in splits. he had bills to pay which he did. he took laila - his neighbour's mastiff- along. betty wanted him to pick up some eggs for her on the way back which he happily did. he stayed back for a cup of tea and indulged her in some harmless gossip.

a week more to go for his birthday. he suddenly realised he had always wanted to go on a trek before he turned fifty. he called ann and asked her if she would be game. ann had an important conference to attend during the week. he decided to call gloria instead. she would talk his ears off but what the heck. after fifteen minutes of complaining about him not calling sooner she agreed to join him and also chalked out the trip. he knew he wouldnt regret calling her. he packed his backpack and met her in the evening and off they left on a three-day trip. he left a voice mail on lydia's phone that he would see her at work on thursday.

lydia teased ben about looking drained which he met with a chuckle. gloria didnt look a day older than thirty and she was a wild cat in bed. he was glad he went on that trip for more reasons than one. he spent the day grinning at everybody he ran into.

time flew fast. tomorrow is the d-day. he bought expensive gifts for everybody in the office. he even picked up something for john the hotdog guy. he went through the neatly arranged documents in his computer and cleared his desk for the first time. he wanted tomorrow to be special. he has always wondered what the milestone would feel like. he was relieved he didnt feel depressed about getting old. his decision sixteen years back helped him live life on his own terms. surprisingly enough it helped him pull through the toughest times as also not yield to easy temptations. he again wondered about the party and dropped it as he wanted to avoid drama of any kind. he went on a long walk taking in everything his vision could hold. he didnt sleep that night.

fifty. he reflected back on the journey so far. as far as he could recollect he did not intentionally hurt anyone. he tried never to get involved with anyone in recent years for fear of attachment. he had learnt the hard way that broken hearts hurt bad. he lived his life to the fullest. he never worried about rising cholestrol or putting on weight. he never saved and lived like a king. he made hundreds of friends but looking back on those relationships he realised his presence in those lives was not life altering in any way. they loved him and he loved them. thankfully thats where it stopped. he thought of his family and smiled. god bless them. they were all leading their lives happily. he wondered whether they all had a plan. and pondered a while over whether they needed one.

he counted the dollars and wrapped it in the instruction note. he then placed it on the TV where it could be easily seen. he made the call and pulled the trigger.